Actually…

My first remembrance of uttering the word “Actually” is when I was about 5 years old. It went something like this; “Actually, the sun is the closest star to the Earth.” Since then that word has led to many a beating, missed date, and dis-invitation. I really do try not to use the word although I frequently do not succeed.

Still I find myself playing the Devil’s Advocate in most conversations. Part of the reason is that I am what most would call a hard-core libertarian. Being a libertarian means you have to defend the minority point of view because majority opinion doesn’t usually need defending.

Beyond libertarianism, I find myself having unusual or controversial points of view, although most of the time I completely fail to understand intellectually why they are either unusual or controversial. Politically I understand.

It is a bit like the scene in “Amadeus” where Emperor Joseph II complained that Mozart’s piece had too many notes. To Mozart, it was nonsensical. If people are being intellectually honest, they ought to see things my way. If they aren’t, I am going to led them through a circuitous dialog that will make them contradict themselves. Actually, I am going to do that anyway.

If you caught a whiff of arrogance there, you weren’t mistaken. I am a naturally arrogant person, but I strive to be humble. God knows I have reason to be humble. Ultimately it is the reason I try not to use the word “actually”. It carries a degree of condescension. When uttered, it hints at the arrogance that I am trying so hard to suppress.